TRAUMA SUPPORT

Mary Stanley expected to retire from the military.

She didn’t expect a medical injury discharge after 15 years of service in the U.S. Army, and she definitely didn’t expect to move from Texas to a small southeast Minnesota town where she knew no one.

That was quickly followed by a child born with complications.

“Anxiety, depression, trauma from the military, postpartum … the hits just kept coming,” said Stanley, who had moved across country with her new husband, Andy Lee, of Medford.

The isolation, she said, was the worst part.

“I had no sense of purpose,” she said. “I spent a good chunk of my adult life in the military, and I had a hard time transitioning. I didn’t have a backup plan.”

She also didn’t know how to function as an adult in the civilian world, after having most of her responsibilities – housing, paying bills, banking – covered by the military.

“We all learn to do this,” Stanley said, “but I was in my 40s and I didn’t know how.”

She went through what she called “a revolving door of therapists” through the Veterans Administration before finding one who was able to help Stanley work on resolving her issues.

“He said to me, ‘you’re figuring this out as fast as I am. You have a gift.’ So I started getting into (life) coaching,” she said.

Stanley was given the opportunity to host her own live internet talk show, which led her to a group called “The Battle Within,” from Buffalo, N.Y., which focuses on helping veterans who struggle with trauma and suicidal ideations.

“I learned about the suicide rate when it comes to service members,” she said. “I didn’t know it was that bad: 25 a day; 2,300 a year – and those are the ones that are reported.”

Her focus shifted and intensified.

Stanley is now a trauma specialist and hypnotherapist, with training in neuro-linguistic programming and integrative behavioral therapy – and she’s ready to give back.

She is the founder of One Flag, One Life, a support group tailored specifically for law enforcement, first responders and both current and former service members.

“Sometimes, therapy alone doesn’t work,” Stanley said. “A big issue is the mind-body connection, and the misconception that when you have depression, anxiety, you’re stuck with it for life. You’re not – it’s how you learn to adapt and deal with it.”

As she built the program, she sought input from local law enforcement and members of the Medford Fire Department.

Stanley has partnered with the UCC Church in Medford to hold weekly meetings with confidential discussions, much like the AA program, she said. There will be a faith-based, non-denominational version, as well as one that is not faith-based.

Additional, personal help is available on a sliding fee. Stanley also offers individual and group coaching sessions for anyone who struggles with trauma.

The approach, she said, involves breaking down trauma to its root causes, then providing targeted support to help individuals overcome the source.

That support is not limited to One Flag, One Life; the group will connect folks with other local support networks, making sure the assistance is accessible and tailored to specific needs.

It’s what Stanley wishes had been available to her all those years ago, when her life changed course.

Her success, she said, will come not just with people using the group, “but when I’m able to take my program and teach other people and organizations how to use it. I want it to be in as many rural communities as possible, where there aren’t services available.”

Every little bit helps, Stanley said.

“My goal is to knock that (daily suicide) number down,” she said. “I know I’ll never get it to 0, but to reduce it, and have more resources…

“I could’ve been a statistic myself, had I not gotten the help.”

For more information, contact Stanley at 507-338-3725, or visit oneflagonelife@gmail.com